Archive for the food Category

Thank You, In-And-Out Burger, For Not Selling Chicken

Posted in food, lindsay lohan, news, opinion, pop culture, sluts with tags , , , , , , , on June 8, 2010 by seehoweasy

They are the only restaurant left that has not fussed up their menu. They just sell hamburgers and fries. That’s it. They have not added fajitas, or chicken droppers, or apple caddies. They just sell burgers. Thank God.

Remember when the menu at McDonald’s was simple? They had some variety, sure. They had apple pies and fish sandwiches – and a few different kinds of hamburgers. But to walk in there now – I don’t even know where to look anymore.  (Apples?! Seriously? Is anyone going to McDonald’s for fresh fruit?) I get it, so don’t try and school me about our unhealthy American culture, or money, or any of it. I get it. One thing is for sure, and I am using the word very specifically: it is all very, very dorky. Analyzing linguistics and everything – yes, dorky is the perfect word for it.  I mean, have you gone to Taco Bell lately? They frigging sell Doritos. It is so lame (it is not unlike Captain EO at Disneyland).

Jack In The Box, Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, Burger King – they all need to settle down. Keep it simple.

In-And-Out certainly does not appear to be struggling, despite the fact that they haven’t started selling “jalapeno dippers” or anything else out of their wheelhouse.  Every time I go there, the line is huge. They can call it In-And-Out-In-An-Hour. Doesn’t bother me. The line takes awhile because some people are probably ordering things off of the “secret menu.” Nothing dorky about that.

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Gum Sucks Now

Posted in food, lindsay lohan, news, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, total bullshit with tags , , , , , , on December 6, 2009 by seehoweasy

Why is it so hard to find good gum anymore? I don’t want to buy three packs of gum. I don’t want some slender box of johnny-come-lately-gee-I’m-good-for-your-teeth gum. I want a solitary, rectangular box of bubble gum. It’s not so simple to get, let me tell you. I know one can find them still. But it’s getting harder.

Often, if I want plain bubble gum flavored bubble gum, I am left with one option. A three-pack of Orbit, which doesn’t even let you blow bubbles! Does it? I wouldn’t know. Their commercials have prevented me from supporting them.

I don’t want toothpaste. I don’t care if it doesn’t promote cavities.

I don’t want mouthwash. I don’t give a flying crap if it freshens my mouth. I mean, the smell of a gumball is pretty awesome all on its own.

I want a pack of gum that doesn’t look like a cigarette case from the 1940’s. With gum in it that promotes tooth decay. And I want to blow huge bubbles.

Stop policing me! Who is doing this? Everything is just getting lamer and lamer now, and gum is just a microcosm of our whole social paradigm: “Ehhhhh, let’s put whitener in the gum, ehhhhhhh.”

Oh sorry, guys! I just wanted to blow a bubble! I’m sorry. I’ll go home and brush my teeth instead. With my toothpaste that a) whitens b) straightens my teeth c) gives me fresh breath d) contains antioxidants e) acts as an appetite suppressant.

Our teeth may be whiter, but who cares if nobody’s smiling.

“Tip Jar Next To Every Cash Register” Concept is About A Decade Old Now

Posted in Blogroll, crime, food, lindsay lohan, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 27, 2008 by seehoweasy

The first time I saw a tip jar set out on a counter for a cashier, it was around 1996. It was during that period when coffee was becoming chic. Coffeehouses and Lattes-as-social-snacks were all the rage. It said something really annoying on it, something like “Good Tips equal Good Karma” or something fucking lame like that. (I’m not even getting into that ). It seemed like an idiotic idea to me at that time. Why the hell should I be tipping you? All you are doing is handing me a corn muffin and taking my money and putting it in the register!

I remember thinking that this was a trend that would not last. But it has! Why has it lasted? Because of people like me. Fucking idiots such as myself. Here, I’ll explain. The following is an example of the kind of thought process I go through when confronted with a tip jar on a counter in some business where the employees should definitely not be getting tips:

Me: Hi, can I get a corn muffin (or what the fuck ever) ?

Cashier: (says nothing, grabs muffin from shelf)

Me: (Hmmmm, she seems nice. Still no smile though. Well, how much is it?! Are you going to say anything at all??)

Cashier: (still no eye contact; bags muffin)

Me: (You know, I am a pretty friendly person. This could be a pleasant interaction. Fine, you stupid, fucking, ugly bitch. Don’t say a word! YOU THINK I AM TIPPING YOU!?! I know your type. You are probably a vegan. Fucking snob. You think that you are better than every other fucking —)

Cashier: (Smiles widely) That will be $1.09!

Me: (Smiles back widely) Here ya are. (Hands her money)

Cashier: Thank you!

Me: (Awwwww, what a sweetheart.) Thank you. (Puts a fucking dollar in the jar.)

Believe me, I hate it. It’s wrong in every way, and I hate it.

Green Chile and Cheese Tamale Recipe

Posted in Blogroll, food with tags , , , on June 22, 2008 by seehoweasy

6 cups prepared masa or masa harina masa
2 8 oz can creamed corn
2 12 oz can green chiles, diced and drained
6 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
30-40 dried corn husks, cleaned of debris and soaked in warm water until pliable (about 20 minutes)

Mix corn into masa by hand. It’s messy but efficient.

Drain corn husks. Spread about 1/4 cup masa on the smooth side of 1 corn husk (if you spread it on the other side, it will stick). Spread it across the wider end, covering it from side to side and extending approximately halfway to the narrow tip. Add chiles on top of the masa in the center of the corn husk. Layer cheese on top of the chiles. Fold right edge of corn husk to the center, and fold the left side over it. Then fold narrow end even with the wide end. Press ends together to seal contents. Repeat with remaining corn husks, masa and filling.

Cook tamales in a tamale steamer or in a conventional steamer. Line tray or basket with corn husks; place tamales on top. The tamales should not come in contact with the water. To prevent steamer from drying out, put a coin in the bottom of the steamer. You will hear it clinking as long as there is boiling water in the steamer. Steam tamales about 1 hour. They are done when masa no longer sticks to the corn husks when tamales are unrolled.

Yield: 1-2 dozen tamales
Prep Time: 1-2 hours
Cook Time: 1 hour
Difficulty: Intermediate

Copyright © 2008 Progresso Tamale Parlor Mexican Restaurant, All Rights Reserved
230 Third St, Hollister, CA, 95023, San Benito County
Phone (831) 637-3278
“Serving Authentic Mexican Food Since 1939”

Starbucks: Finally, A Big Company Helps “The Little Guy.”

Posted in Blogroll, crime, food, lindsay lohan, music, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, stars, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on September 27, 2007 by seehoweasy

It is not often that a powerful institution comes along and wields its all-mighty sword with the sole aim of helping the bureaucratically-challenged. But thank God for Starbucks. With their new record label (HearMusic) in full swing, underground musicians will finally get the press and recognition they deserve.

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Since Starbucks first created the HearMusic program, which, along with its own station on XM radio, was conceived as a kind of “launching pad” for unknown artists, the music business has gained in every respect. “The business had become corroded by red tape of all kinds,” spouted one insider, “but Starbucks is all about the underdog. When it comes to selling music, money is not our motive.”

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It is so difficult for up-and-coming music artists to get themselves heard that Starbucks is like an answered prayer for any would-be musician. The big record labels are all about the bottom line. Not so when it comes to the trailblazers at Starbucks. The last time I was there, I was reminded about bands and artists I had almost entirely forgotten about, due to the helpful display cases that surrounded the sandwiches! Ella Fitzgerald? The Dave Matthews Band? Sheryl Crow? THERE they are!

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It is so cool that, also, if you break up the name of the store it says Star bucks!

So cool!

UPDATE: 2/10/11 — They are shutting down their music label.

Stop Fucking With Everything

Posted in Blogroll, crime, food, opinion, pop culture, Uncategorized on September 21, 2007 by seehoweasy

(Opinion) I grew up on Taco Bell. I love it. Taco Bell kicks ass. I don’t care what anyone says, I think it is awesome. Everything they sell. I’ll eat it. Give me a Taco Supreme, any moment, any day. I’ll eat it. I’ll eat five. I don’t even care if they keep making up new meals. Slide me on over one of those Chicken Chululawampaladas, with a Mexican Jalapeñorgoda, or any of their new and delightful contraptions, each one jammed with that delicious taco bell taste, any day of the week. Normally, I hate it when fast-food chains try and fancy up their menus, but everything at Taco Bell? Shit is so good, sitting here writing about it has me thinking outside the bun. And I am full. What I do have a problem with is this: this new pairing of Taco Bells and KFCs.

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This new “minisode” culture we live in makes me sick. Who are the idiotic bags of goat yogurt perpetuating this monstrosity? These CEOs, ruining one of the last great things about living, how do they sleep? Are they dead inside? Don’t they, at the very least, remember how cool Taco Bell used to look? The brown and orange? I am straying now, I know. But that was when it started, with the color change. I should have seen it coming. Kids, Taco Bell used to look bitchen. It really did.

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Even if you were a pill, or one of those people who got a belly ache from all the pinto beans in their food, it at least had its sexican moniker going for it. But in 1990, Taco Bell visually went to pot. I remember the first time I found myself sitting in a lavender and turquoise dining area, snacking on a bean burrito with green sauce, and looking around and asking “what the fuck?” out loud to no one in particular. Little did I know that the worst was yet to come.

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Recently, on a road trip, I stopped at one of these bullshit dual get-ups. I had really looked forward to visiting Taco Bell (I live in New York City, and most of the Taco Bells in New York City are repulsive to the point where I won’t even eat there) . The only one I could find had a big, ugly KFC slapped up right against it. So, in I went. It was okay. I mean, it was better than any of the ones in the city. But I was distracted. Just by sitting in there I found it impossible to feel even remotely cool and I kept thinking I saw a piece of mashed potato in my taco.

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At least go back to the old color scheme.

Pay the Extra $3

Posted in Blogroll, food, opinion, politics, Uncategorized on September 11, 2007 by britneyspanties

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I made my first roast last night. I did everything I was supposed to. I browned it on each side. I added a can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and a packet of Lipton Onion soup mix. (Thanks for the tip LB.) I covered it tightly and put it in the oven for 90 minutes. Only 90 minutes you say? Why yes because it was only a paltry 2.8 lbs. See I am really, really poor right now. I thought if I bought a cheap little roast, I could eat it all week for lunch and dinner.

Anyway, 90 minutes after it went in, I took it out and starting baking a potato. (That is another cheap food for broke people. You can make them many different ways and never get bored. What were those fucking whiny Irish people complaining about?) When everything was ready, I put the whole roast on a serving platter and got ready to carve it. I used the fancy dish because I was so proud of myself. So I carved off a hunk, ladled on the delicious gravy all the soups made, “I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter”ed my potato, and sat down to eat. I cut my first piece, popped it into my eager mouth, and chewed. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed.

It was like eating a 300 year old piece of beef jerky. I will say it was the goddamn toughest piece of meat I have eaten in my life. For every 1/4 inch piece I cut, I had to use 2 cups of gravy to lube it down. Clearly this cow had been roaming the range at a pretty fucking steady clip to build such taut muscle. It was moist as all get out, so I know that I did everything right. My only mistake was cheaping out on the meat. I implore you peoole. Go the extra mile and try the flank steak instead of the bottom round–or the cow ass as I suppose it really should be known.

Hours later, as I lay in bed with heartburn that threatened to scorch right through my pjs and a lump of steak still trying to make its way down my throat, I realized that this was my life for the next 4 days. I think after I get paid I am going to become a seaturkatarian. I will eat nothing but seafood and turkey. You know. Rich people food.