Archive for the gossip Category

You Had to Know It Was Coming

Posted in Blogroll, crime, gossip, lindsay lohan, music, news, opinion, pop culture, sluts, stars, television, Uncategorized on September 11, 2007 by britneyspanties

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(This picture is old, but always classic.)

I thought about not posting. I even waited all day. But, it was like a force drew me to the computer desk and forced me to start typing.

Britney.

Need I say more.

Her whole performance was like a dare to bloggers the world over. It was like she got on stage and said “I dare you to not write about this. I dare you to let this slide.” I took that dare. I lost. What do I owe you, Brit? Do I have to buy your single? I might. It is sorta catchy. As long as I never have to watch you lummox across a stage in an outfit not quite suited to your new role as A MOTHER OF INNOCENT CHILDREN ever again.

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Please say I will never have to look into those midnight blue eyes again. Eyes that we all know are brown–like her hair but that is neither here nor there. I saw Crossroads. I even cried during the scene in the bathroom after her mother, Samantha Jones, rejects her. I cried in the hospital scene with that cutie-pie Tarynn Manning (retch) also. (Ok. So, it is obvious that I have seen Crossroads more than 30 times once. FINE. If it is on TV I will watch it, but I don’t own it, so get off my back.) Anyway, back to the stanking, worn out cunt of a whore, Britney 2007.

I was not really rooting for her to succeed or fail. I was indifferent. Now, I am annoyed. Bitch, please. She makes 700K a fucking month. I might make that in my lifetime if I work until 20 minutes before I die and don’t take lunch that day. She does not need a comeback. She does not need to be zombie-walking across stages wearing outfits best described as “not that flattering.” She can sit at home and . . . oh I don’t know, care for her fucking kids. Who would have thought back in 2005 when I was watching Chaotic that Kevin Federline would be the success story of that marriage. Certainly not me.

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Kissed Off: TMZ.com Almost Nails Celebrity Look-Alike

Posted in gossip, lindsay lohan, movies, music, opinion, pop culture, sluts, stars, television with tags , , , , on September 5, 2007 by seehoweasy

(NRB Staff) On September 4th, 2007, popular website TMZ.com erroneously reported that KISS singer/guitarist Paul Stanley‘s celebrity look-alike is CNN’s international correspondent, Christiane Amanpour. While this match is close, his real doppelganger is world-renowned songstress, Liza Minelli.

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Bach–The Disappointment

Posted in gossip, movies, music, opinion, pop culture, sluts, stars, television on August 31, 2007 by britneyspanties

Am I obsessed with youth culture and too old for the lifestyle I maintain? Probably, but that is a larger issue and a blog for another day. So last night, my sweet memories of my youth died. A bloody death. A violent death. A death the consisted primarily of me watching my ONE TRUE LOVE of 1990-1992, Sebastian Bach, lead singer of hair metal powerhouse Skid Row. I was watching Celebrity Rap on MTV. (An aside about the MTV thing. Yes, true, I am too old really to be watching MTV. On the other hand, why would MTV cast someone like Sebastian Bach unless it was targeting people in my demographic. Kids today—eww, I really said that!—have no idea who Sebastian Bach is. They certainly don’t remember his bandmate, Rachel Bolan, with the nose to ear chain. A further aside, if you do remember this band, loved them and are male and single, call me. I need a date for a wedding in 3 weeks. I’m easy.) Anyway, back to the issue at hand. My teenage dreams shattering while Sebby writhed to LLCoolJ. Another celebrity crush of mine. My tastes clearly run the gamut. Suffice it to say, I will never recover from seeing this:

 

 

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become this: sebbyold.jpg Get a cream rinse.. Also, look into Crest White Strips. The foundation of throbbing sex God are still imprinted on his super tall, narrow hipped “fuck the shit out you” body. He just needs a little upkeep. And to never rap again. Forever.

UPDATE: Just learned that Sebastian Bach just finished a new album. Hence the stint on MTV. They are not targeting the aged after all. Apparently Axl, another God from my youth sings on this new album. Knowing that he is friends with the monster that took over Axl’s body, I’ll say this for Sebastian, at least he still has his own hair. And eyes. That Wildenstein woman has a better surgeon. It’s NOT So Easy is it Axl? Getting old sucks, but try for the sake of those who loved your serpentine dance and your redneck sexiness to stop going under the knife. And lay off the chemical peels.

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People I Hate

Posted in gossip, movies, music, opinion, pop culture, sluts, stars, television on August 30, 2007 by britneyspanties

beaterFrom NYT: RECENT rumblings — perhaps one should say mumblings — indicate an emerging movement in American independent film. Specimens of the genre share a low-key naturalism, low-fi production values and a stream of low-volume chatter often perceived as ineloquence. Hence the name: mumblecore.”One real issue I have with this culture and its skinny-jeans wearing ambassadors is their need to give everything a name. It is like the simple acting of sitting on the porch becomes something catchy like “stoopsailing” or “porching.” And the next thing you know I can’t sit on my grandmother’s porch anymore without feeling like a loser trying to be trendy. Not everything that these over-indulged, narcissists does is worthy of branding. They are becoming caricatures of their culture. There is a girl walking around Brooklyn right now wearing leg warmers, cowboy boots, and a miniscule little skirt barely covering the Wonder Woman Underroos she found on ebay last week. She is listening to Beater on her discman. (Ipods are so over. ) Beater is the most obscure band that she could find to give her street cred. Beater consists of six guys using egg beaters—old-fashioned and electric—to create harmonies. They are playing in Park Slope tonight. Beater does not really exist, but did you doubt for a even moment that it did? You know some chump is hitting kazaa right now looking them up. God help us all

Hi, we are N.R.B.

Posted in cartoon, crime, gossip, movies, music, news, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, sports, stars, television, Uncategorized on August 30, 2007 by seehoweasy

NRB

(NRB Staff) Ten minutes ago, three established & respected writers decided to start a blog. None of them had ever blogged before. Blog-virgins, all three. Whoa, this crap is already published? Bitchen!