(NRB Study) The Economy? The War in Iraq? Global Warming? Try again. According to a new NRB poll, none of these above items can claim to be the number one reason that The United States has begun to circle the drain. A surprising new survey shows that the overall decline in our country’s mood began when actor Dabney Coleman switched the focus of his brilliant career from movies to television in 1983. Although Coleman had been appearing on the small screen, off and on, from his humble beginnings in 1963, it was his move to his own series, Buffalo Bill, which began the downward spiral, this according to over ten thousand people recently surveyed concerning their thoughts about why things have slowly “gone to pot.”
“He was rolling sevens in the early 80’s” opined one surveyed.
“Tootsie, War Games, Modern Problems, 9 to 5. He made America laugh really hard by being a total fucking asshole. When he decided to switch to television exclusively for a couple years, he left an enormous vacuum.”
“His characters were dicks,” explained another polled, “and it rocked.”
One of the people we surveyed, who asked to remain anonymous, had this chilling illumination:
“Dabney Coleman is an actor who often portrayed make-believe heartless, assholes. When he stopped getting roles in major films it created a void – a void that has slowly but surely become filled with real-life heartless assholes.”
Said another: “We do not need a stimulus package. We need Nine To Five 2.”
Actual poll results below:
Question: Why has America slowly “gone to pot”?
1.) The lack of good roles for Dabney Coleman in major film releases (9,870 votes)
2.) The Economy (100 votes)
3.) The War in Iraq (24 votes)
4.) Global Warming (4 votes)
5.) FrankTV (2 Votes)