Archive for the odors Category

A-Rod Hits The Hell Out Of #600, It Lands In A Handbasket

Posted in arod, Cheating, crime, lindsay lohan, odors, opinion, sports, total bullshit with tags , , , on August 4, 2010 by seehoweasy

NRB COMMENTARY:

On August 4th, 2010, New York Yankee’s third baseman Alex Rodriguez became the youngest player in major league history to hit 600 home runs.

As a huge baseball fan, here are my thoughts about it:

– It is a milestone, no doubt about it; steroids don’t necessarily make people hit home runs, otherwise everyone who ever took them would be home run kings. There is the whole hand/eye coordination element to consider.

– Alex Rodriguez has admitted to using steroids. That, to me, in and of itself, sucks – but is forgivable. However, because of the way his steroid use came out, in lie-filled spurts, and because of his overall gross, self-centered attitude towards baseball, I cannot find it anywhere inside of myself to feel good about #600, or any of his accomplishments.

He doesn’t care what I think. But I doubt he cares what anybody thinks.

I’m not too sad. At least Yankee fans finally have something to celebrate.

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“I’m On The Toilet” a Good Text Defense Against Unwanted Calls

Posted in crime, lindsay lohan, odors, opinion, pop culture, sluts, texting, total bullshit with tags , , on July 23, 2010 by seehoweasy

(NRB Study) You text someone hello, and suddenly you have an unwanted, incoming call from that person. It has happened to all of us. There are some relationships that just don’t require actual conversations. A text check-in here and there is more than enough, as far as we’re concerned. The other party, upon calling and not getting an answer, is baffled and texts us one of these:

“u there?”

Or…

“wtf”

Or…

“Call Me”

I have learned that a terse “I Am On The Toilet” text scares them away.  The only con is that you will undoubtedly get a really unfunny text or comment from them about how you only contact/think of them while you are taking a shit.

An Open Letter To Everyone Involved In The “Viva Viagra” Ad Campaign

Posted in crime, lindsay lohan, news, odors, opinion, politics, sluts, total bullshit with tags , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2009 by seehoweasy

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Dear Marketing people behind the Viva Viagra ad campaign & the musicians who re-recorded “Viva Las Vegas” for the Viagra ad campaign,

How do you sleep?

Sincerely,

Almost Everyone on Earth

Grammys 2009: A Detailed Analysis On Why They Sucked

Posted in crime, lindsay lohan, music, news, odors, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, stars, total bullshit with tags , on March 4, 2009 by seehoweasy

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I have been meaning to blog about the catastrophe that was the 2009 Grammy Awards since the morning after they aired.  I had a bunch of notes and everything.  I had decided that, since I could not move myself to blog for a couple of following weeks, I would never get around to it.   But it has been nagging at my soul, because music is my favorite thing in all of life, so here goes:

First, some back-story.  I have been watching the Grammys since I was nine years old. To put that into focus, Christopher Cross cleaned up.  Even when rock music started to lift itself onto a gurney, and hook itself up to an i.v. in about 1987-88, I continued to make my watching these awards an annual event.  By the early 90’s, it was commonplace for me to watch them alone and with guilt.  Everyone in my life panned even the concept of watching.  And most of the people in my life have always been artists and musicians.

Me: “Are you gonna watch the Grammys?”

Someone: Why?”

Someone else: “Fuck no.”

I was used to it.  And I couldn’t blame them for reacting that way. The show has ALWAYS mostly sucked.  I have always known this going in. I watch for two primary reasons: First, it is to be awestruck by the possible attendance of any “gods” or “goddesses” in the world of music.  Even if he or she is simply sitting in the crowd, it excites me to see them.

“Rewind! They just showed Prince!”

Or…

“That was Paul Simon!”

Or…

“Holy Shit! Dave Brubeck!”

Or…

“Aretha Franklin!”

Or…

“JIMMY PAGE!!!! Are you KIDDING ME?”

Stuff like that.

The second reason I watch is so I can deride the hacks.  Man, that is fun when you are watching with other people. (I notice that males like to put down musicians and females like to make fun of others weight.)

Me: “Does Billy Corgan ever write melodies?”

A guy: “Who?”

Another guy: “Exactly”

A girl: “His date is fat.”

Although there has been, in my opinion, no legitimate musical “happening” since Amy Winehouse (before that, Outkast), this year I put out a tray of snacks and tuned  into CBS with bated breath.

Again, I do not have my notes, but I will go by memory as best I can.

U2 opened the show.  (I am not a fan exactly, but I think “Stuck In A Moment”, “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”, “New Years Day”, and a couple of others warrant their entire career. )

It was fucking terrible. Way less there than meets the eye. Big lights. A lot of jumping around. It seemed very loud. But I could not find an actual tune of any kind. I muted the TV.  One minute into the 2009 Grammy Awards, and I am muting the TV. Yikes.

And I am well aware of all the pro-U2 arguments.  Shove ’em.  U2 was awful.

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Next up was Carrie Underwood.  I guess she played a Country song. It sounded like Rock and Roll to me, and sadly, it was a highlight of the night. Her guitarist was great. She flirted with an actual melody. It sucked, but compared to most of what followed, it was a highlight. Jesus, that is sad to write.  Parenthetically, my father has more stage presence than Bible-toting Carrie. And the last time I saw eyes that vacuous, I was talking to a teller at my post office here in New York.

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Oh yeah, sometime pretty early on, Whitney Houston came out.  But is was not to sing some new masterpiece.  She looked healthy. (Coughing loudly.)

Al Green sang a song from 1972.  Nailed it! (Coughing even louder.)

See, I need my notes. I forget the order. Ah well…

At some point The Jonas Brothers played.  They are The Bay City Rollers of the day, and I oddly have no problem with them.  Cringing as I write…another highlight.

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At least they flirted with a melody.

Oh yeah, and they wheeled Stevie Wonder out so he could try and class things up. He played a song (with The Brothers Jonas) from 1971.

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Then there was Coldplay.  I can’t get a Coldplay fan to hum me one of their songs. Watching them win an award is bewildering and agonizing.  Watching them try to “bond” with Paul McCartney was funny.  Yeah, aside from the Sgt. Pepper-ish suits, you guys have nothing in common with any former Beatle.

Some people swear by this band. I don’t know. When they won, it marked the first time during the ceremony that I started thinking that the whole thing is “fixed” and political.

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At some point Justin Timberlake came out and sang in the right key.

Warning: I am about to dis the beloved Radiohead.

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I know that their fans and the band could care less about my opinion, but here it is anyway.  Just because a group does not write songs in a traditional mold, it does not automatically mean they are geniuses.  It just doesn’t.  Sorry.  Like Coldplay, I can’t even get one of Radiohead’s own fans to hum me a tune.  I can’t help it, this bothers me.

Suffice to say, I watched these ceremonies with a Radiohead fan, and they too thought this was dogshit.

Fleetwood Mac used the USC marching band on “Tusk” in the 1980 recording, and on stage during 1997’s “The Dance.”  The difference there was that all of the hoopla created by the drummers, etc., transpired over an actual song; the horns had a melody to play.

So, summing up about Radiohead: BOOOOOOOOOOO!

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At some point, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss sang a song that everyone was jizzing over.  To me, it was just okay.  But I won’t say anything bad about Plant. He is WAY too cool and real to be there at all, I kept thinking.

Adele was the genuine highlight of the night.  Hers was, far and away, the best song I heard. adele-431x500

So of course, she was not allowed to play the whole thing. And her song did not win.

Her loss caused me to start to watch with one eye.

With one eye, I saw Jay-Z making shit up as he went along.

I saw Paul McCartney sing a song he wrote in 1963.

I saw some Smokey Robinson casino-style revue of songs even older.

I saw movie stars announce awards, because they could not find enough musicians who wanted to attend.

I left the TV on mute for about the last hour or so.

I was busy having a conversation about how “this is what happens when the wrong people start running the music industry.”

Me: “The worst Grammys ever.”

A guy: “Totally.”

A girl: Gweneth looked gaunt.”

Next morning, I see that the ratings were up from last year. That was when I threw out my notes.

Fun Game #1: Guess The Neighborhood

Posted in Blogroll, crime, lindsay lohan, odors, opinion, politics, sluts, Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 29, 2008 by seehoweasy

See if you can guess which neighborhood is being described. You will get four clues. (Answer at bottom.)

Clue #1: On the streets, people literally look dead. Body language says, “life has ended” and/or, “I have never lived” and/or, “I am not in a hurry to get to where I am walking because I am essentially a corpse, and I feel nothing.”

Clue #2: The neighborhood swims with nannys pushing strollers. (Important: the nannys are NEVER paying any attention to the children; the children USUALLY * look angry and/or depressed.)

*Sometimes they are asleep

Clue #3: Everything is totally fucking expensive.

Clue #4: There are between fifteen and twenty nail salons on every block.

Give up? The answer is THE UPPER EAST SIDE in New York City.

Odor Update: The East Village, New York City

Posted in Blogroll, lindsay lohan, odors, opinion, Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 13, 2008 by seehoweasy

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Last Inspection : 1/13/08

Notes: It still smells like ripe trash that’s been tossed into a hamper, along with a corpse, and then covered with shit and cum.

Recommendation(s): None

Pass/Fail: Pass