Archive for the Uncategorized Category

No One Has ADHD. Sorry, It Is Complete Bullshit

Posted in Cheating, crime, lindsay lohan, news, opinion, politics, pop culture, total bullshit, Uncategorized with tags , , on January 3, 2011 by seehoweasy

(NRB Opinion) The other night, a couple of teenagers came over to my house. I had never met them before, they were tagging along with a friend of mine. They were dressed like they had money – and real spiffy, like a lot of thought went into their outfits. They were also two of the rudest people I have ever met. No big deal to me – I am used to rude people, and I don’t take it personally. Besides, they are kids and I am almost forty years old. Anyway, they were a couple “in love.”  She seemed to be the nicer of the two, but it was hard to tell, as she rarely got to finish a sentence. He interrupted her endlessly. He really had a lot of opinions. He knew a lot of things about a lot of things. Then it came out: “I have ADHD,” he informed us, almost like he wore it as a badge of honor. So did she, she told us. They both had ADHD.

I’m no doctor, but I will tell you a story. Years ago, in about 1995 when everyone I knew started getting diagnosed with ADHD, I met a kid who told me about every ten minutes that he had ADHD. We became friends. One day I pointed out to him that whenever we talked about him, or some band he liked, or some girl he wanted to nail, he was all ears. There was nothing medically wrong with him. He was just a selfish dick. Those wound up being his own words he used to describe himself.  A selfish dick. After a while, he proudly exclaimed on a regular basis that he had never had ADHD.

I was thinking while I was talking to these kids last night that their parents just didn’t want to deal with them. “My kid is being difficult. I will put him on some medicine.” It all probably has to do with the fact that both parents commonly work these days. Kids hate that. I promise. But that is for another blog, another day.

I still do not know anyone who has been diagnosed with ADHD who gets distracted when they are talking about themselves. The whole sick thing seems like an excuse to not learn manners, politeness or decency. Like a license to be self-centered to the extreme. Just my opinion. And my apologies to the few people out there who really have it. But they wouldn’t be still reading this, would they?

Men with Acceptable Mustaches Fall into One of Four Categories, New Study Shows

Posted in Blogroll, crime, facial hair, movies, music, pop culture, sluts, sports, stars, television, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on September 13, 2008 by seehoweasy

NRB Study: According to our recent study, men who are able to pull off wearing a mustache fall into (at least) one of only four categories.  This is according to over one hundred “cool women” we polled. This information might be a revelation for those who had previously believed that all mustachioed men were gay and/or trying to frighten off women.

Our extensive research unveiled four, and only four, categories to which a man with an acceptable mustache belongs (Each category contains at least one sub-category).

According to the women of taste with whom we spoke, unless a man can claim to be in one of the following groups, he should not grow hair above his lip.

ACCEPTABLE MUSTACHE CATEGORY #1: POLICE OFFICERS (also: Dads over fifty-years-old)

ACCEPTABLE MUSTACHE CATEGORY #2: GAYS (also: actors, musicians)

ACCEPTABLE MUSTACHE CATEGORY #3: FIREMEN (See POLICE OFFICERS)

ACCEPTABLE MUSTACHE CATEGORY #4: ACTUAL COWBOYS (also: anyone legitimately hot)

Women warn however that, despite the existence of these helpful categories, it is not a sure thing. “Many stumble,” claimed one woman in our study. “As a rule, if a guy is good-looking enough it does not really hurt him.”

She continued, “But if a woman is on the fence about how she feels about a guy’s looks, usually a mustache is the kiss of death.”

Fun Game #1: Guess The Neighborhood

Posted in Blogroll, crime, lindsay lohan, odors, opinion, politics, sluts, Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 29, 2008 by seehoweasy

See if you can guess which neighborhood is being described. You will get four clues. (Answer at bottom.)

Clue #1: On the streets, people literally look dead. Body language says, “life has ended” and/or, “I have never lived” and/or, “I am not in a hurry to get to where I am walking because I am essentially a corpse, and I feel nothing.”

Clue #2: The neighborhood swims with nannys pushing strollers. (Important: the nannys are NEVER paying any attention to the children; the children USUALLY * look angry and/or depressed.)

*Sometimes they are asleep

Clue #3: Everything is totally fucking expensive.

Clue #4: There are between fifteen and twenty nail salons on every block.

Give up? The answer is THE UPPER EAST SIDE in New York City.

“Tip Jar Next To Every Cash Register” Concept is About A Decade Old Now

Posted in Blogroll, crime, food, lindsay lohan, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 27, 2008 by seehoweasy

The first time I saw a tip jar set out on a counter for a cashier, it was around 1996. It was during that period when coffee was becoming chic. Coffeehouses and Lattes-as-social-snacks were all the rage. It said something really annoying on it, something like “Good Tips equal Good Karma” or something fucking lame like that. (I’m not even getting into that ). It seemed like an idiotic idea to me at that time. Why the hell should I be tipping you? All you are doing is handing me a corn muffin and taking my money and putting it in the register!

I remember thinking that this was a trend that would not last. But it has! Why has it lasted? Because of people like me. Fucking idiots such as myself. Here, I’ll explain. The following is an example of the kind of thought process I go through when confronted with a tip jar on a counter in some business where the employees should definitely not be getting tips:

Me: Hi, can I get a corn muffin (or what the fuck ever) ?

Cashier: (says nothing, grabs muffin from shelf)

Me: (Hmmmm, she seems nice. Still no smile though. Well, how much is it?! Are you going to say anything at all??)

Cashier: (still no eye contact; bags muffin)

Me: (You know, I am a pretty friendly person. This could be a pleasant interaction. Fine, you stupid, fucking, ugly bitch. Don’t say a word! YOU THINK I AM TIPPING YOU!?! I know your type. You are probably a vegan. Fucking snob. You think that you are better than every other fucking —)

Cashier: (Smiles widely) That will be $1.09!

Me: (Smiles back widely) Here ya are. (Hands her money)

Cashier: Thank you!

Me: (Awwwww, what a sweetheart.) Thank you. (Puts a fucking dollar in the jar.)

Believe me, I hate it. It’s wrong in every way, and I hate it.

HDTV: But Now My Real Surroundings Look Blurry

Posted in Blogroll, opinion, pop culture, television, Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 21, 2008 by seehoweasy

I finally bought a high-definition television set. It is amazing. Most people have seen this awesome new technology by now, so I don’t have to get into explaining how cool it makes everything look. I mean, it is spectacular. Just look at Sportscenter or any nature program in HD! Are you kidding me?

The disconcerting element underlying all of this glory is this: everything I am not watching on television now looks kinda lame. Blurry. Pixelated.

The other night, I was outside looking up at the moon. It was a clear, so there were a billion stars flickering beautifully. There I stood thinking, “Bet this would look so rad in HD.”


Entertainment Weekly’s “The New Classics” issue filled with total fucking bullshit

Posted in Blogroll, music, news, opinion, politics, pop culture, sluts, stars, television, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 21, 2008 by seehoweasy

In the new issue of Entertainment Weekly (6/27/08-7/4/08) there is a list of “The New Classics” for just about every form of popular entertainment. I got it in my mailbox today and skimmed through it immediately.  I accidentally went right to the Stage section and got nervous.  I hate Broadway shows, as a general rule, and do not claim to know shit about them. However, I know enough to know that the schmaltzy “Jersey Boys” is no classic. (My wife saw it and gave me a full report: it was “cute”; she loves that Broadway crap.)

When it comes to music, I become easily offended when people (like the just-out-of-college-dumbfucks at EW Magazine) carelessly toss around the word “classic.”

Prince’s “Purple Rain” is listed at #1. I would not put it there, but I get it. Great album. It has stood the test of time. It was part of popular culture, and it can be argued that it still is. After that, the list of “New Classics” is a bucket of self-conscious  horse-shit.

Liz Phair’s “Exile In Guyville” is #47 and Peter Gabriel’s “So” is #88. Whether you hate Peter Gabriel or you love Peter Gabriel, you know at least four of the songs on “So.” Liz Phair? Does anyone really even listen to her? I mean, I know people do. But where are they? I have yet to meet one person in my life who swears by her music. A classic? Wouldn’t a music fan like myself have to have heard at least one song from her supposed opus? Is it because I am not a lesbian or something?

Kanye West’s “The College Dropout” (2004) is number 4????? I mean, lol.

“You Are Free” by Cat Power is #13??????????????  Isn’t it a little early to tell? Does anyone who DOES NOT want to fuck her like her music? Know her music? Do the people that WANT to fuck her like her music? Know that she is a musician?

Speaking of which….

“Tidal” by Fiona Apple???? #20????  LMAO

CLASSIC????? Does anyone know three songs from that one? LMAOOOOOOOOO

Interpol???? Why???  Really? LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A New and Comprehensive Study of Video Games

Posted in Blogroll, cartoon, lindsay lohan, opinion, pop culture, Uncategorized, video games with tags , , on January 15, 2008 by seehoweasy

(Review) Galaga and Dig-Dug are so bitchen.

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